


Itadakimasu

by checkeredbow



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: 5+1 Things, ;_; idk, Angst, Cannibalism, Gen, I mean it counts as cannibalism if you're half what you eat right?, Mild Gore, Vomiting, What else needs to be tagged?, because everything I write is angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-16 08:37:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3481556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/checkeredbow/pseuds/checkeredbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Haise didn't eat in front of the Quinx Squad and one time he did.<br/>(Five times Haise acted as the Quinx Squad's wise mentor and one time he did not.)</p><p>De-Anon from Kink Meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tooru Mutsuki

**1\. Tooru Mutsuki**

"Sasaki Haise, Rank 1 Investigator. Let's take care of each other from now on."

He's smiling, but Mutsuki can see the same nervousness in his eyes that was present in his own. They all shook hands with him one by one and when it came to Mutsuki's turn, he took the hand limply. It was only after the first shake that Mutsuki realized he should put more strength into it. He couldn't appear that weak in front of his new mentor! But it was too late now and whatever Haise might think of him, he didn't show. He only smiled and moved on to Saiko.

"Well, now that we've been properly introduced, why don't we all have dinner together?" Haise suggested cheerfully.

"Ooh! Yes, I'm starving!" Saiko immediately piped up and grinned, "There's this really nice cafe I saw the other day and there's these really cute maids--"

"Saiko! We're professional investigators now," Shirazu interrupted, "We can't just walk into maid cafes!"

"What?? But it's so cute~"

Mutsuki looked at them nervously before returning his gaze back to Haise. He sure seemed nice enough, but how would he react to Saiko's outburst? Would he lecture her? She was being so immature, after all. It would make sense that he'd lecture her--

Haise laughed, "Shirazu is right, we can't go to a maid cafe." Saiko pouted at his response, but didn't fight back.

"So where would we be going?" Urie was the one who spoke up.

"Um..." Haise shrugged, "I don't know. I was kind of hoping that you'd choose. I don't know the restaurants around here very well."

"Even though you work here?"

"I tend to eat at home," Haise responded and turned to the other members, effectively closing that conversation, "So, do you guys have any places in mind?"

"...I go for street food, mostly," Shirazu admitted.

"How about you, Mutsuki?"

Mutsuki blinked, startled that the question was directed at him. He thought he had already been forgotten, but Haise was looking at him with a small smile, "Um..." he started before looking away. Everyone was looking at him now and awaiting an answer, "I do know of a place... that is... quite good." His voice was quiet and it only got quieter as he continued speaking.

Everyone else had found it so easy to talk to each other, was it because they all came from the same academy? Mutsuki couldn't help feeling like an outsider. Why did he even answer at all? He should've just stayed quiet, just faded into the background, have let Urie or Shirazu or Saiko choose. Surely his tastes wouldn't match theirs. They'll hate it. And they'll hate him because--

"Great, lead the way!" Haise said cheerfully, "Let's go eat!"

Mutsuki stared at them wide eyed before giving a short, quick nod, "...Okay."

Mutsuki mumbled out the directions and recognition sparked in Shriazu and Urie's eyes. They seemed to recognize the place and took charge in leading the group there. "Leading," more like walking in the front. After a block or so, Saiko joined them as well, joking with her old classmates. Mutsuki stayed back.

"Mutsuki, right?" Haise's voice broke into his thoughts and Mutsuki nearly jumped.

"Y-Yes," he stuttered out, wishing that he didn't. He didn't want to appear weak in front of Haise.

"Have some more confidence in yourself."

"Umm..." Mutsuki nodded. Why did Haise have so much confidence in him?

They arrived a few minutes after at a small traditionally styled restaurant. The sign above the store was faded and there were only a few people inside. It was clearly not the most popular place on main street, but the fact that they've stayed for so long promised decent food. A waitress quickly greeted them and led them over to an empty table near the back.

"Go ahead and go all out," Haise prompted, "It's my treat!"

"Oooh~" Saiko cooed excitedly as both her and Shirazu started looking through the menu for dishes they liked. Urie looked at Haise for a moment before looking through the menu as well. As Mutsuki looked through his menu, he noticed that Haise didn't open his. The waitress soon stopped by to ask what drinks they might like.

"Strawberry milkshake!"

"Blue Hawaii!"

"You're not twenty one yet! I'll have iced tea."

"I look old enough, I would've gotten away with that if you didn't butt in! I'll take iced tea, too!"

"A water for me."

Mutsuki was the last one to answer and he looked at waitress uncertainly, "...Um, a water for me too." It felt a bit rude to ask for too much when Haise was paying.

"Okay, I'll be right back with the drinks," the waitress smiled and walked away.

By now, it seemed like they had all finished choosing their food from the menu so Urie and Shirazu were bickering with each other and Saiko was edging them on from the sidelines. Haise watched them with a smile, but he looked worried. Mutsuki wondered what he was worried about. Was it because they were humans with ghoul pieces in them? How much did he know? Actually, given that he's their mentor, there's a high chance that he knew everything.

Mutsuki's eyes dropped lower to Haise's hands on the table. They were still on top of the closed menu. Mutsuki frowned, was Haise not planning to eat? He invited all of them, though.

The waitress finally came back with everyone's drinks and as soon as she placed them in front of each person, she asked for everyone's orders. Saiko and Shirazu excitedly picked three or four of their favorite dishes while Urie only picked one. Mutsuki noticed that it was the most expensive item on the menu...

"I-I'll have this one!" Mutsuki nervously pointed at the menu. The opposite of Urie, he had picked the least expensive item.

"You sure?" Haise asked, "There's no need to hold back, eat until you're full."

Mutsuki blinked and spoke without thought, "What about you, sir? You haven't even opened your menu!"

The chattering at the table fell to a silence for a brief moment before Haise laughed nervously, "There's no need to address me so formally! Really, I asked to pay for everyone because I wanted to get to know all of you! Don't be so serious."

Mutsuki stared at Haise in confusion.

"Really, it's okay, Mutsuki. Order anything you like, there's no need to be nervous. My goal isn't to be a strict teacher to all of you. I want to be your friend, companion. So from now on, there's no need to address me as 'sir' when the rest of the CCG isn't around, okay?"

Saiko and Shirazu, who had realized during that silence that they might've been rude to their senior, grinned and started thanking Haise for his generosity and talking about how they looked forward to working with him. Urie shrugged and nodded, completely unfazed by the whole thing.

Mutsuki smiled nervously and turned to the waitress, "O-okay, I think I'll switch my order. Do you mind..." He pointed at another item at a decent price and while it wasn't excessive like Urie or selfish like Saiko and Shirazu, it wasn't the nervous politeness he had earlier either.

Haise watched the four of them for a little longer when his phone buzzed. Unlocking it, he saw a message from another investigator, "Oh, sorry! It seems like I just got called up for some urgent business. Looks like I have to go!" Haise hurried to pull on his jacket and grabbed his briefcase.

"What? Who's going to pay for us now?!" Saiko whined.

Haise turned to the waitress and held out his credit card, "Here, whatever they just ordered now and whatever they will order, I'll pay for all of it!"

"Alright," the waitress nodded and walked off towards the counter.

"See you later, guys, eat up!"

"Yea, thanks so much!"

"You're the best!"

"... (Thanks.)"

"Thank you."

A thought at the back of his mind, Mutsuki realized that Haise had never opened his menu. He never planned to eat at all.


	2. Saiko Yonebayashi

**2\. Saiko Yonebayashi**

"I'm home!" Haise announced as he entered the house. He was greeted with silence. No, not complete silence, he could hear soft beeping sounds coming from upstairs. Haise checked his watch, it was just past six. They were all definitely relieved of any CCG related duties at this hour, which meant they must've all gone out to do whatever recreational activity they liked. 

_But Saiko's still here_ , Haise noted. The little beeps must be her pressing buttons on whatever new game controller she got. "I guess I'll make dinner tonight."

Upstairs, Saiko was focused on playing her video game, but she did not fail to notice the sound of Haise opening the door downstairs. In fact, she heard him slam his car door and even if she didn't know it was his car, she could tell by the sound of his stride. 

She relaxed, at least it wasn't Urie or Shirazu who came back. They were always ready to try and drag her out of her room. Urie seemed to have backed down and given up, but Shirazu was still complaining. It's alright, they'll all give up soon. She'll be able to go back to her own private two dimensional, non-existent, problem-less happiness. After all, she was a hikkikomori and no amount of prompting would make her leave her room--

Saiko's stomach growled.

...Was that the scent of _food_?!

Saiko dropped the game controller on her bed and pressed herself up against the door. She didn't open it, but leaned against it to try to get a better sniff of the scent of food. 

No good. Like this, all she could smell was the wood that was used to make the door. That's not tasty at all.

"It smells really good," Saiko mumbled as her hands inched towards the door handle. Just as she turned it, however, she stopped herself and shook her head. No! She couldn't walk out while it was so early! Ever since the five of them started living here, she had made sure to do any out-of-her-room activities after everyone had fallen asleep, even if that meant holding any natural needs in for a few hours. 

(It's okay, she figured out how to do that by altering her sleep schedule and drinking less during the evening. She also ordered snacks to be delivered by supermarkets and she'd un-box them after everyone's gone to sleep. There were always leftovers in the fridge to boot.)

"Hold it in, hold it in," she told herself, "As soon as Haise goes to bed, I'll go out and get the leftovers from the fridge."

Her stomach growled in protest.

A few minutes later, Saiko found herself peeking into the doorway of the kitchen. She hid most of herself behind the wall, but she let enough of herself to be seen if Haise was to turn around. He was busy humming and cooking at the stove. Saiko couldn't really pinpoint what he was making, but she could sniff out the distinct smell of pork. And whatever cooking sauce he used on it had a heavenly smell. 

Haise was halfway through cooking and he already had some other dishes prepared and put to the side. There was one set on the counter. ...Did he not realize she was home? She frowned and her stomach growled in disappointment.

Saiko watched as he finished up the last dish and transferred the food over to a plate from the pan. She watched in mild confusion. While she didn't know about the dishes he made before she came downstairs, she was sure that for the last two dishes, Haise didn't once taste test the food. She supposed that since he was making it for himself, it didn't matter. A cook will eat his own dishes. But it still seemed a little strange. Her mother had always tasted the food every so often while she cooked to make sure she had the right amount of salt or sugar or whatever she was using.

Saiko's stomach growled again, just as Haise turned off the ventilation system and the kitchen fell silent. Save for her growling stomach.

"Oh!"

"..." Saiko felt her face turn slightly red and she hurried to turn and escape back into her room.

"Good, you're just in time for dinner!"

"...?" Saiko looked at him in confusion and he gestured towards the food on the counter.

"You're hungry, right? It's around dinnertime, after all. Eat up!"

Saiko looked at him in confusion, "For... me? What about you?"

"Oh, I already ate," Haise responded as he rubbed his chin, seemingly to be thinking about his previous meal, "So I've already had my fill. Come sit down and eat!" Haise moved the food over from the counter and set it on the table. Then, he took a seat on the opposite side.

A little uncertain and nervous, Saiko sat down and picked up the pair of chopsticks, "T-Thanks... Thanks for the meal."

He wasn't going to scold her?

After all, she had been doing nothing but stay in her room since the first day. She hadn't even come out to greet Haise, her mentor and superior. Saiko took a few bites and Haise watched. 

"So how is it?"

"Delicious!" Saiko exclaimed.

"I'm glad," Haise laughed, "Mutsuki always seems polite so I worry that my food tastes bad and he's just too kind to say anything. Then there's Shirazu who I feel just eats anything, good or bad, that I put in front of him. And Urie just gives an indifferent answer."

"He says it's fine every time, right?" Saiko laughed.

"Right! How'd you know?"

Saiko froze, of course, she shouldn't know that. She had been in her room all the time, pretending to be asleep or being 'busy' with her videogames. "Er..." Saiko tried to think of an excuse and when she couldn't come up with one, she told the truth, "I hear you guys talking every night."

"Really?"

Saiko nodded, "Ever since the operation, I've been able to hear really well."

"Oh, that's amazing!" Haise smiled, "But, instead of listening from your room, I'd love it if you'd come downstairs and join us."

Saiko frowned. There it was. Even Haise wanted to pull her out of her room. She must've looked really upset because Haise quickly said, "W-well, that's only if you want to. Don't push yourself if it makes you uncomfortable."

Saiko looked up in surprise. ...Haise wasn't lecturing her. In fact, he was encouraging her to continue being lazy...? Not what she'd expect of her mentor, but that's fine! She'll take it! "Okay," she answered as she started wolfing down the food. 

The moment she took a pause, Haise took the chance to ask, "Why do you hide yourself in your room?"

She paused, uncertain of why he'd ask such a thing. 

"I guess," he continued, "It must be weird to be living with a bunch of guys all of a sudden. It could be uncomfortable... But I promise we don't bite. Er, at least I don't. If any of the others do, I'll make sure to do something about it--"

"It's comfortable," Saiko cut in. She quickly picked up the bowl of soup to start drinking so that Haise wouldn't be able to see her face. She could feel her ears turning red. She hadn't meant to admit that out loud.

"The rest of the house isn't?"

"No, I..." she put the bowl down. The truth was that she hadn't really had anyone to talk with this entire time. So the words were coming out without much of a filter, "It's a world where I don't have to worry about anything. Because video games and anime won't judge you or tell you what to do or ask you to help pay bills... Because video games aren't just selfish adults--"

Before she knew it, she was telling Haise about her mother and her brother and her father and her step-father, the bar, school, the operation, her mother's decision. It all came pouring out and she had set the pair of chopsticks down and held her hands up against her face, trying to wipe the tears away. The entire time, Haise sat still in front of her, nodding and making occasional sounds of understanding. Not once did he look at her in disgust or find her selfish for not doing well in school despite her parents trying so hard or not being more thankful that her family is a bit more financially stable now that she had the operation.

"I never wanted to become a Quinx! I don't want to be an investigator!"

Saiko was sobbing loudly now and Haise stood up and walked over to the counter to grab a box of tissues to hand to her. 

"There's nothing we can do about you being a Quinx from now on," Haise said softly, "However, I think you're capable of seeing it as a good thing, too."

"Good thing?" Saiko asked before blowing her nose loudly.

"Yep, because you're now at a place where you're not alone with all those problems."

"I'm not?"

"Of course not!" Haise exclaimed, feigning some hurt, "What do you think I'm here for?! I'm you mentor so of course I'm here to help all of you deal with all of your problems. The other Quinx, too. They might be a bit moody or violent or shy, but I can tell you're all good kids. So don't just cram everything into a hole like that. We'd all love to talk with you if you give us the chance."

"..." Saiko looked up at him with watery eyes, "Maman!" she exclaimed and hugged him. 

"W-Wha?!" Haise nearly lost his balance, "...Maman?"

"Maman!" Saiko exclaimed again, "From now on, I'll talk with Maman! Thank you Maman!"

"Okay, okay, Maman will listen to you..." Haise agreed with a confused chuckle. He still couldn't figure out why Saiko was calling him such...

Half an hour later, Saiko was giddy and happy again, finishing up her meal. Haise had brewed himself a cup of coffee. 

"Maman, would you like some?"

"Huh? No," Haise quickly shook his head, "I told you, I already ate."

"You've been staring at the food for a while and your stomach just growled."

Haise froze, "H-Have I? Uh, um..." Haise sipped his coffee and held his chin with his other hand, "This is embarrassing, I swear I'm not all that hungry, though. Don't worry about it and finish eating."

"I have some extra snacks in my room if you want those."

"No, no, I'm perfectly fine."

Saiko frowned, "Maman can talk with me too, if he wants."

Haise looked startled before a smile stretched across his lips again, "Thank you, Saiko! That means a lot to me."

But of course, Haise managed to change the subject. Unlike Saiko, his secrets were a lot more dangerous to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wanted to just post the whole thing in one chapter as a one shot.  
> ...Then I realized I'm past 20 word document pages.
> 
> I guess it's worth mentioning that this is the way I saw them for this fic:  
> Mutsuki = insecure  
> Saiko = escapist


	3. Ginshi Shirazu

**3\. Ginshi Shirazu**  
"Sassan! Sassan!" Shirazu called down the street. He had caught sight of his mentor from a few feet away, but it seemed like the older man didn't notice him.

"Oh, Shirazu! Hey, I didn't expect to see you here."

"I got off from an assignment early today," Shirazu answered happily as he held up a plastic bag, "Look, they even gave me some food as thanks for a job well done! It's a bit much so you want to eat together?"

"H-Huh?" Haise quickly shook his head, "No thanks. I ate not too long ago."

"You sure? It's fresh out of the pot!"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Are you busy right now?"

"I just finished work from the office, actually, so I'm free right now."

"Let's go get coffee somewhere!"

"But you have food?"

"It'll be fine!" Shirazu grinned as he happily started leading the way to a nearby cafe. They sat at a table and Haise ordered a coffee as Shirazu started eating from his lunchboxes. The waitress tried to tell him it wasn't allowed, but Shirazu accidentally gave her a glare and she backed off. "What was that about? I just asked her to repeat what she said..."

Sometimes, Haise was caught off guard by how simple Shirazu could be.

The two of them made small talk about work, living with each other, and the news in general until Shirazu finished eating and they left the cafe with two new cups of coffee in their hands. 

"You know, it's weird. I feel like since the operation, I've had a larger craving for coffee."

"Is that so..." Haise mumbled.

"Yea, I used to drink it now and then, but I never really liked it. Now, I'm going around main street looking for cafes and ranking them by how good their coffee is."

"Why do you think the operation triggered it?"

"Well..." Shirazu shrugged, "It seems like Urie's been drinking a lot more of the stuff, too."

"Right..." Haise nodded, "You guys came from the same academy." Although Shirazu was slow on the uptake with things like, ghouls can only drink coffee, he can be surprisingly quick to notice small things about people. _It's not necessarily a bad thing,_ Haise thought, _but an investigator needs to be quick about everything._

"Yea, he was the--"

A scream pierced through the air and the two of them snapped their heads in the direction of it. Immediately following, there was a screech of tires and a man started running down the block towards them. Shirazu wasn't sure what was going on, but he didn't care. Without hesitation, he lifted up his leg and kicked the man in the stomach as he approached them. 

"Where do you think you're going in such a rush, buddy?!" Shirazu asked as the man laid cowering on the ground. Shirazu might not be anywhere near a full ghoul, but he can still throw a mean punch-- or kick, as in this case.

Shirazu looked up and saw that a crowd had gathered around the other end of the block. There was a thick scent of blood in the air as the sound of sirens approached them. "We should see what's going on, Sassan..." Shirazu suggested as he turned to look at his mentor.

Haise was doubled over, leaning against a lamppost, his briefcase dropped on the ground as he covered the bottom half of his face with his hand. 

"Sassan! What's the matter?!" Shirazu hurried over to help steady Haise.

"N...Nothing, I just got... a surprised dizzy attack."

"Really?" Shirazu frowned, "Man, are you sure you've been eating properly? I've never seen you eat before and you know, it's no good for an investigator to be anemic!"

Haise let out a shaky laugh, "Of course. I'm taking good care of myself, I promise. Otherwise, how can I be a good mentor to all of you?" Haise took a deep breath and forced himself to stand properly, "Anyways, let's go see what happened."

It turned out that the man had pushed a woman out into the street and the coming truck didn't stop in time, causing an accident. The details of the accident would be worked out by the general police, the CCG would not have to be involved. One of the officers at the scene, however, was a fairly familiar face at the CCG headquarters. He was often the one reporting to CCG investigators of any recent crimes that looked as though it had been committed by a ghoul. 

He effortlessly recognized Shirazu and Haise, "What the hell? Aren't you part of that newly formed Quinx squad?"

"Huh?" Shirazu perked up and nodded, "Yea."

"Well, then shit. You could've prevented this, right? You've got all those heightened abilities and senses, couldn't you have seen this from a mile away? What did we work so hard on experimenting and gathering funds for? If you're just going to be a useless piece of baggage, then you're just a waste of taxpayer money."

Shirazu, who had been doing quite well adjusting after his operation, working for the CCG as an investigator, was shocked speechless by the man's words.

"...Pathetic," and that was when Shirazu's senses came back and he snapped. 

"Oi! You! What the hell's that supposed to mean?!" Shirazu grabbed the man by the collar and shook him, raising a fist to punch him, "I work plenty hard both before and after the operation--!"

"Shirazu! Let him go!" Haise ordered as he placed a hand on the arm that Shirazu was using to hold the man by the collar. Haise was still the same Haise that Shirazu knew, but there was a strange ferocity in his eyes that he didn't recognize. 

"...Tsk," it wasn't fear, but Shirazu felt like he should let the man go. ...Something about the way Haise asked him to... Haise was Shirazu's mentor, but he was a friend, too. Shirazu wasn't afraid of Haise, but friends don't bark orders at friends, either. He let go of the man's collar and he dropped to the floor like a sack of flour.

"Fucking monsters!" the man yelled as he scrambled to get away and back to his... teammates.

Shirazu hadn't even noticed.

The other police officers had surrounded both him and Haise with pointed guns.

"Sorry," Haise quickly apologized, "My subordinate got a little excited, he'll be fine now."

"Sassan! I was fine the entire time--"

"Please excuse us," Haise didn't let him finish as he stared the policemen in front of him down. Finally, they decided to trust Haise and lowered their weapons, "Let's go, Shirazu."

There was a finality in his tone that was both unlike and exactly like Haise. Shirazu grit his teeth. Right, that's how it was. No matter how lax and kind Haise had been to the Quinx thus far, he was still their superior. And there wasn't a better time to use that superiority than now. 

Once they were far enough, Haise stopped and let out a breath, "Oh man, that was scary!"

"Sassan! What was that about?! You knew I was under complete control, that guy was just saying things that were pissing me off!"

"I know that," Haise responded quietly, calmly. Shirazu only felt more annoyed by his understanding tone, "But the police didn't know that."

"So?! There's no need for them to treat me as a monster!"

Haise frowned, his lips drawn into a straight line, "People who don't understand things. People who fear things, will think irrationally. Shirazu, you're not a monster, but ghouls are. They will always appear to be so to humans. So no matter how kind hearted or innocent a ghoul is, they will be a monster."

"What--"

"No matter what you do, the word 'monster' will be thought of along with the word 'ghoul'. Even the most understanding human in the world will realize that as long as there is one ghoul continuing to act like the majority of them do now-- hunting down and eating humans."

"But, Sassan! I'm not a ghoul, I'm a human!"

"Are you?" Haise questioned, looking directly into his eyes and Shirazu froze.

"O-Of course I am!"

"You eat human food, have a human stomach, but your eye is a kakugan and you have a kakuhou. Those are only found in ghouls."

Shirazu tried to find a response, but couldn't. He was starting to get mad. Why was Haise taking their side?! Why was he calling him a monster?! Wasn't he their mentor?! Wasn't he their _friend_ \--

"You are an experiment, a disposable weapon."

There was a line that Haise had to draw between mentor and friend, but Shirazu didn't understand why he was drawing it now. They were friends! Friends _trust_ each other! But this complete lack of trust, the cold words that Haise spoke towards him... Haise didn't even sound like his mentor. He just sounded like a cold superior.

"Sassan!" Shirazu reached out and grabbed Haise by the collar now, pressing him against the wall of the building they were standing next to.

"However," Haise continued like nothing had happened, "That's simply what everyone else will see you. What won't change is how you see yourself."

Shirazu's grip loosened.

"Unless," Haise gave a shrug and a half hearted grin, "You let them to."

He let go of his mentor and looked away sheepishly. He had rushed into things, "...Right."

"Anyways, you should head back home and get some rest."

"What about you?"

"All this running around and dealing with the police has gotten me hungry. I'm going back to the headquarters."

"Huh? Alright," Shirazu nodded and they both went their separate ways. 

It was only after Shirazu arrived at where he parked his motorcycle that he realized, "Wait, Sassan's hungry so he's going back to the CCG? Wouldn't it be better to go home and cook?"

He frowned and pondered over it for a moment before shrugging and deciding that maybe Haise was getting a home cooked meal from Akira, in which case, he was super jealous.

At the headquarters, Haise pressed the button for the elevator and stood still, clutching onto the handle of his briefcase tightly. Had he done that correctly? He wanted all of the Quinx to be happy, but to have been as blind as Shirazu had been lately. ...He wanted to make sure the boy didn't end up overlooking something important. 

His stomach growled just as the elevator arrived. Stepping in, he slid a cardkey through a scanner attached to the side of the elevator and pressed the button for a sub-sub basement level. Then, directing to no one in particular, but at the same time, to a very specific person that he was sure could hear him perfectly, "Was it the same for you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was brutal haha.   
> I'm glad I wrote this ahead of time and only needed to edit it ;v; 
> 
> While writing this, I was surprised by how little we know about Shirazu. All we know about his background is that he owes a large debt. I hope it's not too obvious that I couldn't really get inside his head. 
> 
> & finally, thanks so much for all the support, I really appreciate it <3


	4. Kuki Urie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: the mild gore and vomiting tags apply to this chapter.

**4\. Kuki Urie**

Honor student with perfect grades, highest ranked of all the Quinx, appointed squad leader of the team, Urie was perfect. 

"...So work with everyone, one bamboo stalk can easily be broken..."

Where were his headphones?

"...don't just push your teammates away to rush in, you could've put everyone's lives in danger..."

Right, they're on the kitchen counter on the other side of where he sat. Taken away as 'punishment'. He knew they'll be back around his neck by the end of the day.

"...I don't know why you thought that was a good idea at all. Shirazu had his doubts too..."

Seriously, he's Urie. He's perfect. Why the fuck was he getting lectured by Haise?

"Do you understand me?"

"Yes, of course. (Let me get out of here already.)"

Haise frowned. Urie didn't express what he was thinking on his face very often. Of all of the Quinx, he was the hardest to read. Did Urie really understand what he had been saying? Was he even listening? Haise sighed, it was no use. Even if he prattled on for the rest of the evening, Urie wouldn't listen to him. He would need to devise a new and better way to get his message across his subordinate. "Okay," he said, defeated, "You're dismissed."

Final-fucking-ly. 

Urie wasted no time getting up, walking over to pick up his headphones, and leaving the kitchen to his room. He couldn't wait until he got promoted. Then he wouldn't be stuck working under Haise who only prattles on and on about teamwork and getting along. 

Screw all of that.

They'll just weigh him down. 

Once he was back in his room, he turned on his laptop and plugged his headphones in. He immediately opened several private browsing windows and started scouring through the web for ghoul sightings while listening to the news through another opened app. 

_Found one._

It was a brand new news report about a ghoul sighting downtown. 

Urie wasted no time shutting the laptop down, plugging his headphones into his cell phone and walking out of his room. 

Walking past the kitchen again, he noticed that Haise was making dinner. It smelled nice and his lips twitched. He hadn't eaten yet. It would be nice to sit down and eat dinner. He hated to admit it, but Haise's cooking was _good._

No.

He needed to get going.

Someone was going to catch that ghoul and it was going to be him.

"Urie?" Haise looked up from the stove, "Where are you going? I'm almost done with dinner--"

"Save it!" Urie cut him off, "I'm going to be back in an hour or two." Without waiting for an answer from Haise, Urie hurried out the door, slamming it behind him. 

About fifteen minutes later, Urie was running past flashing lights and nervous policemen. He flashed his investigator identification card to a few officers that tried to stop him and as he reached a shady, closed off street, he ducked under the police lines and screeched to a stop. 

The scent of blood hung heavy in the air, it was enough to make Urie want to puke. But he won't do that. He was stronger than that. Puking at the scene of a crime would be something that Mutsuki would do and Urie wasn't a wimp like Mutsuki. So he pressed forward. 

Several feet down the block, Urie could hear the sound of flesh being torn apart. There were no screams so that unlucky victim must be dead. Accompanying the nasty sounds of teeth chomping on raw meat was the sound of heavy panting. Urie's face twisted in disgust. This ghoul was obviously not a highly ranked one. There was no refinement in the way it ate. Well, the fact that it was caught in this corner and hadn't noticed was enough evidence that it was a weak ghoul. A stronger, more intelligent ghoul would've covered its tracks better.

Urie moved forward quickly and quietly. 

Hiding behind a car, he saw the ghoul a few feet ahead. He was a man in his mid thirties with shaggy black hair. He was crouched over the bloody body of a man and tearing flesh and organs out of his body. Urie gritted his teeth in disgust. 

It shouldn't take much to kill this one. He won't even need to use the Kakuhou.

Stepping out, he unlocked his briefcase and pulled out his Quinque. This caught the ghoul's attention and he looked away from his food for a brief second before ignoring Urie.

"(...?)" what was with that? The ghoul was going to ignore him? Fine, if he wanted a painful death, he'll give him one.

Urie dashed forward and raised his Quinque, which was in the shape of a sword, above his head and sliced downwards towards the ghoul's neck. 

In a flash, the ghoul's kagune shot out and shoved Urie away, "...!!?" That had been a faster reaction time than he'd expect from a ghoul of this caliber. "Tch," jumping back to his feet, he ran out as fast as he could and stabbed the Quinque into the ghoul's chest.

It went through--

Urie was seeing red and there was a tight feeling in his left eye-- his kakugan activated...?! He felt the pavement hit his back before he realized what was going on. He felt the need to gasp for air, but the moment he opened his mouth, blood spewed out and he couldn't breathe that way either. He rolled over and clutched his stomach, the source of his pain, and tried to breathe. 

How?! What happened?!

He was sure he had stabbed the ghoul in the vitals, how did it bounce back and attack so quickly? Is it even possible to regenerate that quickly?!

The sound of approaching footsteps broke Urie out of his thoughts and he forced himself through the pain to look at the ghoul. It was standing right above him with its kagune out and ready to slice his head off. 

_Shit._

_Am I going to die here?_

_I'm not going to die here._

_I won't--_

The ghoul's kagune was suddenly sliced off and the ghoul screeched in pain. It backed off and Urie saw a shadow land in front of him. It took a moment for him to realize that it was Haise. The ghoul that was howling in pain lashed its kagune outwards and Haise held up his Quinque-- Yukimura 1/3 and deflected every hit. 

"What the hell? What the hell? Why can't I hit you?" the ghoul yelled as Haise deflected it once more before slicing more of the kagune off again. The ghoul let out another screech and reeled backwards. Haise took this chance to dash forward and slice both arms and legs off the ghoul. 

The ghoul yelled again and Urie gagged at the stench of the ghoul's blood. It smelled terribly nasty, like sewage and rotten eggs. However, the realization of what just happened made him taste something nastier in the back of his throat. 

Haise defeated that ghoul.

With ease.

He even kept it alive. 

The CCG could use it for experiments or ask it questions for information. 

Haise did a better job than he could ever have.

"... (Shit!)" he slammed his forehead into the pavement, catching Haise's attention. Immediately, Haise was by his side.

"Urie! Are you alright?"  
_No, no, I'm not alright_ , he thought in frustration, _I was powerless against that ghoul and you took it down without breaking a sweat. I'm_ not _alright._

Haise reached over to help him sit up, but Urie quickly batted his arm away, "I just need a moment. (I don't need your help.)"

Haise nodded and backed away and Urie struggled to breathe right, but this time it wasn't because he was choking on blood. This time, he was choking on frustration and a bruised pride. 

A week later, Urie recovered and it was like the hole in his stomach never happened. He was a little disappointed at his slow recovery rate, however. It felt like even Mutsuki recovered faster than him and that was just another thing that frustrated him. However, as soon as he was allowed to leave the hospital bed, Urie was dressed and ready to go ghoul hunting again. 

...So why was he being forced to sit in front of Haise with a piece of strawberry cake in front of him?

What the hell. He hated sweets.

And this guy seems to be constantly giving all of them food. Where was all this money for food coming from?

"Urie," Haise started and Urie wanted to start zoning out already, "I think we might've gotten off on the wrong foot so I was hoping to make amends with you."

"... (More like bribe me with food, but I hate sweets.)"

"I know you were an honor student in the academy with the best grades and you're excited to start doing your job as an investigator, but you don't have to do everything on your own."

"..."

"We're all here to help you. I'd hate to see you get hurt just because you want to do everything by yourself."

Anger flared up inside of Urie. Haise wasn't right, but he wasn't wrong either and that was what pissed him off. He knew perfectly well that he didn't have to do everything on his own, but he wanted to! He really wanted to! Yet, despite that, he couldn't do it. 

It frustrated him to no end.

Urie shoved the piece of cake away, "Are you done?! Because I've got better things to do."

"Urie--"

"And I hate sweets so you can eat this on your own," without thinking, Urie picked up the piece of cake and shoved it at Haise. Haise, who was surprised, didn't defend himself. 

"Arghh...!!" 

Urie froze as Haise fell off his chair and to the ground, spitting out the small bite of cake that Urie had accidentally forced him to eat. As if that wasn't bad enough, Haise started puking out whatever he had been eating before. Urie cringed at the smell, but had enough decency to put the cake down, go find paper towels and hand them to Haise. 

He didn't like Haise, but he didn't mean to do that. 

"S-Sorry," Haise gasped after he finally cleaned up.

"What the hell? (That wasn't normal.)"

"I...hate sweets too," Haise admitted nervously.

Urie didn't like sweets either, but he had never reacted in such a way before. It was one thing to spit the piece of cake out, but to vomit as though it really disgusted him... That was strange, "You hate it?" he echoed, "Looks more like an allergy attack."

Haise didn't respond for a moment. Finally, he spoke up, "...Just don't tell the others. This is quite embarrassing." He laughed nervously. 

"Sure. (...Like hell I'm not.)" Urie was sure to use this as some form of blackmail for the future. For now, however, he owed it to Haise to not say anything to embarrass him in this situation further. 

"But more importantly," Haise smiled, "I'll remember to not get you sweets from now on."

"Tch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize, but due to continuing midterms, I probably won't be able to update until late Tuesday.
> 
> I think we all agree that Urie is not a nice guy and he's pretty selfish. However, I don't think he's completely hopeless. I hope he changes for the better as the series goes on TvT;  
> (Speaking of the series... the chapter 20 spoiler summary is quite shocking.)
> 
> Thank you for all the comments, too! I promise I read each and every one of them and I'll try my best to respond to them all, but it'll probably have to be after this weekend ;v; Really, thank you all so much for all the kind words!


	5. ...?

**5\. ...?**

How many people are in his squad?

One, two, three, four, five, six... No, that was definitely wrong. One, two, three... That was definitely too little. 

Haise let out a sigh as he leaned back against his seat and took a sip of coffee. Why was he here anyways? He couldn't quite remember, but this cafe felt peaceful and comfortable and the coffee was quite nice. He just knew that he was meeting with one of the members of the Quinx and that he just received a text message from him saying he would be late.

The bell at the door sounded and Haise turned to look, not sure what he should be expecting. For a brief moment, he remembered someone or something beautiful, but he wasn't quite sure and the thought disappeared from his mind soon enough. 

"Sorry I'm late!" he apologized quickly as he sat down on the opposite side of the table from Haise.

"Not a problem, I wasn't waiting that long," it was true, Haise didn't wait that long. Of course, he preferred that he didn't have to wait at all, but it wasn't such a big deal.

"How have you been, Sasaki?"

"Um, not bad," Haise answered as he propped his elbow on the table and rested his chin against his hand, "Things have been a bit hectic since I started getting to know everyone, but I think it's better now. We're all getting used to the situation. What about you?" Haise felt a little bit bothered that he was addressed as "Sasaki" by him. For some reason, he felt as though he shouldn't have been.

"I've been fine. Caught up on reading some books. There have been some new, interesting titles published in the past few years."

"Oh? Care to recommend any?" Haise asked just as a waitress walked up to them and asked what they would like.

"I'll have -----------" 

Haise frowned, what did the other person order? He must've tuned out at that moment because all he heard was white noise. 

"And you, sir?"

"Um..." Haise looked up and saw a familiar face. Or so he thinks. He's not quite sure. He didn't dwell on it. He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly feeling very tired. "...Another coffee, please."

"You won't order any food?" he asked.

"No," Haise answered, "I'm fine."

"You shouldn't hide it if you're hungry, you know?"

"I'm not hungry," Haise smiled. No, he wasn't. He wasn't ever hungry. That's just how it is. He eats less than everyone else. And when he does, it's always on the second Friday of each month for one hour.

...Oh, how he wished the second Friday of the next month would come already.

"Ahem," Haise cleared his throat, "So, what have you been reading recently?"

"The other day I was re-reading some of Kafka's works."

"Oh, what a coincidence, so was I."

"His works are nice, aren't they? They make you think a bit."

"Yes, although, I don't quite remember why I started reading them. I think one day, I just picked it up because the book reminded me of something. Why did you start?"

"Hmm... A favorite author of mine wrote a book that referenced his books, I think that was the reason."

"Oh? And who's this author?"

"--------------------------------"

Haise frowned and furrowed his eyebrows. Again, it was like the sound fuzzed out. He must not be getting enough sleep.

_No. He must not be getting enough food._

"Sorry, can you repeat that?"

"Ah, yes, --------------------------------"

Haise's frown deepened. It happened again, but he couldn't ask the other to repeat again. That would be awkward and seem as though he hadn't been paying attention. "...Right," Haise smiled, "I'll look that author up when I get back home. Thanks for the recommendation."

The other nodded, "Why don't I talk about why I asked you to come here today?"

"Sure."

"I need some advice."

"Well... I am your mentor, I can hardly say no if you want advice!" Haise smiled.

The other smiled as well, before going into the background of his question, "Recently, I've been stuck between doing the right thing and doing what I want to do. To do this one thing I want to do could break everything that I've built up until now. It would hurt a lot of people around me, I think. But... I really want to do it. I think it's quite important to me."

"Could you tell me what this thing is?"

The other shook his head, "No, I can't."

"If you're careful, maybe nothing will break?"

"There is no way around it. Everything will change."

"Hmm," Haise looked away as though he was thinking deeply, "And you can't even give me a tiny detail as to what this thing is?"

"No, sorry."

"Well, from what you've told me, I don't think you should do it."

"Why's that?"

"It sounds like you have more to lose than to gain."

"That is... logical," the other answered, seemingly a little unhappy with Haise's answer. What's with that? He asked and Haise answered. Maybe he had been looking for confirmation, not an answer. In that case, he shouldn't have asked for Haise's opinion at all. 

The waitress walked up to their table with a dish in her hand. She placed it in front of the other person and walked away without a word. It was a piece of meat covered heavily in a red sauce. That was it, no vegetables or sides, just a piece of meat. The other person picked up a fork and knife and started cutting into it.

Haise looked at it confused. He thought he was in a cafe. Since when did cafes serve meat like this? He thought they focused on things like cakes and coffee. Maybe it was a specialty cafe. Haise took a sip of his coffee. 

... Huh?

He finished his coffee already? He should order another one because the meat on the table was making him hungry. It smelled so good. So so so good. He wanted to eat. He really wanted to eat. Really, really, really wanted to eat.

"Would you like a bite?"

Haise froze for a split second before licking his lips and sucking back the small drop of drool that had fallen out of the corner of his mouth. 

_Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes_

Haise cleared his throat and looked away, "No, I'm fine. I'm not hungry."

"Are you sure? It's alright, I'm okay with sharing. I don't mind. You can eat if you want."

"No, I can't," Haise said so sternly, he surprised himself. He surprised the other as well, based on the wide-eye expression he had on his face. "Uh, sorry," he quickly apologized.

"No need," he smiled, blinking close his one visible gray eye, "Anyways, Sasaki, it's--"

A shrill sound ripped through the peaceful cafe and Haise opened his eyes.

_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!_

There it was again!

Haise sat up and looked around. The room was dark. The curtains were drawn. The room was warm. The windows had been closed. 

_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!_

Haise turned to his left and saw his alarm clock yelling at him from atop the dresser. He reached over and hit the snooze button. 

"What was I dreaming about?" he wondered out loud as he licked his lips.

"I want to eat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward miscalculation!  
> ...My last midterm is Thurs. Not today. Back to studying orz I'm not sure when the last chapter will be put up. (Especially since I haven't had time to sit down and really work on it.) I'm so sorry! x(
> 
> Since it's usually a "5 times someone did X and 1 time the person didn't", I wanted to follow the format. But there are only four Quinx members... are there? I decided that there technically could be a fifth one if you played around with the idea long enough.
> 
> I had half a chapter of a more "calm" ending written up, but I think I've changed my mind now and might need rewrite it.


	6. Haise Sasaki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another warning for mild gore.  
> Warning for cannibalism. 
> 
> The previous five chapters took place a little before :re, this one takes place after their fight with Torso.

**+1. Sasaki Haise**

"...are backup. We will now... deal with _SS Rated Ghoul Haise_."

_That was..._

_Too perfect._

_...Terrible._

 

Everything was fuzzy to Haise.

Did it start raining?

It would explain the blurriness in his eyes and the soft static sound in his ears. No, that was static, but _that_ was-- _click click click_.

_...So close_.

It was a whisper and then it was gone.

Haise could smell blood in the air. It was so strong and so sweet and he could feel his stomach rumbling, but through all the static he was hearing, he couldn't hear it. He felt really hungry though. And hurt. His sides hurt, his arms hurt, his legs, his head, his _lower ba--_

No, that can't hurt. He never got injured there.

Finally, the world cleared up slightly and he registered several concerned faces around him. First class Hirako's team were standing a few feet away and kneeling beside him looking down with concerned eyes was... he searched his brain for the proper answer.

Mado Akira.

She's a CCG investigator who's in charge of... In charge of...

"Who are you?"

Haise's lips trembled and he forced himself to not answer right away so he could come up with the proper words. "I am... I am Haise Sasaki."

"That's right, you're Haise Sasaki."

 

 

"How long will you keep him? When can we see him?" Mutsuki asked the nurse as soon as they wheeled Haise off the ambulance.

"She won't know that, Mutsuki," Akira said as she stepped out of the ambulance as well. The rest of Hirako's team walked out from behind her and followed the nurses with the stretchers into the hospital.

"But--"

"Just be patient," Akira suggested before instructing the three Quinx members to stay in the waiting room. Afterwards, she followed Hirako's team into the hospital.

"What's with that attitude? (I don't like being treated as a child.)" Urie grumbled as he walked towards the doors that led to the waiting room.

The hospital didn't have many people at this time. Visiting hours were over and nurses were clocking out as their shift ended for the day and another shift clocked in. The three of them sat in silence.

Shirazu was fidgeting uncomfortably. He felt like doing something. It didn't feel right to sit still after witnessing something amazing like that.

Urie had sunk himself in his chair and started playing with his phone. He was blasting his music at the highest volume. It was loud enough that even Mutsuki, who sat on the other side of the room, could hear the song perfectly. Urie gritted his teeth as he mashed touch screen buttons on his phone. He was so ready to throw the thing away, _why couldn't he win this stupid game?!_

Mutsuki sat still and alert in his chair with furrowed eyebrows. He didn't want to think about what happened today. The Sasaki he knew was kind, mature, protective, merciful--

Nothing like what he had seen a few hours ago.

"By the way, someone has to tell Saiko."

 

 

"You're awake," was the first thing Haise registered after staring at the ceiling for a few seconds. He hadn't been quite aware until the moment he heard that. "The regeneration time took a little longer than usual," she continued.

"...Akira," Haise mumbled as he sat up in the hospital bed. "I'm sorry," he said immediately as the memories of what happened a few hours ago came pouring back into his head, "I swear, I had perfect control, I just--"

"Haise," her tone was warning him to stop talking.

Haise bit his bottom lip to stop himself, "I'm sorry."

Of course Akira didn't want to hear those types of excuses. Excuses like those would only hurt him in the future and even if he had Akira and Arima's backing, saying stuff like that would only get all of them in trouble.

Akira stood up and picked up a paper bag next to her. "Here," she held it out to him.

"What?" Haise asked even though his nose told him what it was immediately.

"It's around that time of the month, right? Here you go."

Haise quickly scooted away from Akira and the bag, backing himself up to the wall the bed was placed against and knocked his head hard against the plaster, "Ouch!" he hissed.

"Haise, stop playing around. I don't have all day."

"B-But, Akira! I can't take that! We're not at headquarters--"

"You ate there because you didn't want anyone to know," Akira interrupted, "Everyone _knows_. There's no point in hiding it."

"N-No, I eat there because if I ever go out of control, people can stop--"

"Haise, stop lying to yourself, you've been in control for months."

"But a few hours ago--"

"A few hours ago there were different circumstances and you did that for your subordinates anyways."

"Um..." Haise was out of words that he could use to argue with Akira, but he stayed against the wall, afraid to get any closer to Akira and the bag.

"Take it, your squad is waiting for you outside."

"O-Outside?" a new fear suddenly sprung up and created butterflies in his stomach. His squad saw him? His hands tightened against the hospital sheets. Shit! How was he going to face them?! What did they think?! He could feel the panic rising and Akira noticed.

"I'll tell them to leave and that you will be returning later."

"P...Please," Haise mumbled as his brain tried to think of a way to explain all of this to his squad and still have them think him to be human.

"If you thinking about lying to them," Akira said as she placed the paper bag on the edge of the bed and picked up her own handbag, "They already asked me and I told them the truth." She turned away and left before she could see the look of panic on Haise's face.

 

 

"Haise will be returning home later tonight," Akira announced as she walked out into the waiting room. Both Shirazu and Mutsuki had stood up in a hurry while Urie stayed seated. Immediately, Mutsuki flew into rapid fire questions of concern.

"What? Is something wrong with Haise? When can we see him? How is he? Is he going to be alright?"

"Calm down, Mutuski," Akira said as she held her hand up to stop the boy. The moment he stopped, he took several deep breaths as if he had forgotten to breathe when he spoke. "Haise's fine," she continued, "He's just resting. You guys should go home now--"

Despite blaring music in his headphones, Urie must've heard because he stood up immediately and walked towards the door.

"Hey, wait up, Urie! Akira's still talking, you know!"

Akira rolled her eyes and sighed, she'll talk with Haise about disciplining his subordinates later, "Just go home!" She turned and starting walking to another exit, the one that took her to a lot where a car was waiting for her to bring her back to the CCG. She had several reports to make.

"Wait, Urie--" the other two rushed to catch up with Urie at the door.

"Urie..." Mutsuki asked with a frown, "How are you so calm?"

Urie pulled his headphones off and glared at his squad member, "Why are you so frazzled? It was obvious, wasn't it?"

"Wait, Urie! You knew?!" Shirazu asked with wide eyes.

Of course not, Urie was planning to say, but held it back. He didn't want the other two to know that he was on the same boat as them in terms of how much information they were given. "The signs were all there, weren't they?" Urie said, "Like how he wouldn't eat in front of us? (Hell, he threw up one time.)"

He should've figured it out at that time, but the thought of an actual ghoul working for the CCG seemed so impossible. _So he's a ghoul_ , he narrowed his eyes at the thought. While they had known for a few hours, this was the first time he really admitted it, _how filthy_.

A taxi rolled to a stop in front of them, "Anyways, who's going to tell Saiko?" Urie posed the question that had been hanging over their heads earlier. He didn't remember who asked it first, but Urie sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to tell her. He didn't want to deal with the drama.

"Mutsuki, you're good with words," Shirazu tried to push the work onto the other as Urie ignored them and got into the front seat of the taxi. The other two piled in the back.

"...You guys are closer, though," Mutsuki quickly shot back.

The two of them bickered the way back as Urie turned up the volume on his headphones again. It was obvious who would win the argument, but Mutsuki was being surprisingly firm even though Urie could see all the cracks in his stance already. What a weakling.

Arriving back at their house, they still haven't come to an agreement on who would tell Saiko so they all quickly stopped talking. By now, they knew that Saiko could easily hear them from her room.

"I'm going to go take a shower."

"Let me know when you're done, I want one too."

"I think I'll just sleep."

"Without a shower? You're disgusting."

"Shut up, Urie!"

 

 

It was dark out when Saiko woke up and she could hear everyone snoring away in their rooms. Wait, not everyone. She heard the soft sounds of someone eating downstairs. Her stomach growled, she hadn't eaten yet. She honestly wouldn't have minded going downstairs to eat with everyone now that they've been living with each other for so long. Her problem was her sleep schedule. It's completely off sync with the rest of Japan now. (Well, normal people of Japan, anyways. Late night gamers like her was one of her own kind.)

In a sleepy daze and following her nose, Saiko made her way down the stairs to the source of the sound. She wrinkled her nose. There was a distinct nice smell about tonight's meal, but at the same time, it also smelled awfully of metal. Did someone bring home a hunk of metal? Maybe a katana? Is someone trying to be a ninja? She could help out with that!

She arrived at the bottom of the stairs and reached for the light switch just as she felt a yawn coming up.

She took a breath.

Her fingers found the switch.

She opened her eyes--

_Click_.

Saiko let out a blood curling scream.

 

The sounds happened simultaneously so Shirazu wasn't sure which one woke him up-- the screaming or the crash of plates, pots and pans, and-- was that the sound of a door being ripped out of its frame?? Either way, he wasted no time in pulling open the door to his own room and rushing out and down to the kitchen where the sounds had come from.

Saiko was sitting on the floor, frozen in place as she stared at the now empty kitchen table. Several pieces of broken glass (probably from several plates) were on the ground and covered in blood and... Shirazu looked away. He didn't want to think about what that was.

"Sasaki--" Mutsuki and Urie were awake now and the two of them could tell what must've happened here. The plates were shattered on the floor, the pots and pans on the stove have been knocked over and their front door off its hinges and on the floor. Shirazu briefly wondered just how strong Haise actually was.

"M-Maman..." Saiko finally came out of her shock and looked at the other squad members, "Maman's eye was... Maman was eating..."

Urie sighed, "This is why I told you guys to tell her. (I'm going back to bed.)" However, before Urie could turn and leave, Shirazu reached out and grabbed his arm.

"We need to find Sassan!"

"Look for him yourself. (I don't want to have anything to do with this.)"

"Urie, this is your problem too! We're all one squad together!" Shirazu clung onto the other's arm despite how much he was trying to shove him off. Finally, Urie simply glared at him.

"Three people's more than enough!"

"Can... Can someone explain what's going on?" Saiko finally managed to say.

There was a moment of mutual silence before Mutsuki spoke up, "Sasaki's a half ghoul." And at those words, Saiko suddenly jumped to her feet and sprinted up to her room, slamming her door. From below, the three of them could hear furniture scraping against the floor as she pushed them up to her door.

"(Like I said, drama.)"

"Let's go, Urie. We're doing this together."

"I'm going to bite your hand off."

 

 

"I thought your nose was good!"

"I'm not a dog. (My nose is much better than yours and I wouldn't be here if your regeneration ability wasn't that strong.)" Urie couldn't believe he let Shirazu and Mutsuki drag him out here in the middle of the night. He was ready to duke it out with Shirazu when Mutsuki threatened that fighting with another investigator for a stupid reason like this would "subtract points" from his record.

"Hey, Sassan!" Shirazu called out, "Where are you?"

"(This is stupid.)"

_Sasaki, please come back_ , Mutsuki thought as he lingered behind the other two. Lost in his own thoughts about Haise, he hadn't noticed how far back he had fallen until a chewing sound caught his attention. He looked up from his feet and turned to look down a dark alleyway he was standing in front of. Urie and Shirazu was already half a block ahead.

"...?" Mutsuki took a step forward and squinted as his eyes began to adjust, "Hello?"

The chewing sound stopped and two red dots appeared in the darkness.

His eyes adjusted.

Mutsuki let out a yell as the ghoul tackled and pinned him down. Ahead, Urie and Shirazu turned and started running back towards Mutsuki.

The ghoul on top of Mutsuki let out a laugh, "Hi there!"

_I left Ifraft and Abksol at home_ , Mutsuki realized in horror as the ghoul let out its kagune-- an Ukaku type and prepared to rain its attack down at him at point blank. Mutsuki realized in horror that he won't get out of this alive.

"G-Get off!" Mutsuki punched at the ghoul's jaw hard and while it was enough to surprise the ghoul, it wasn't enough to knock him off.

"Feisty, aren't you..." the ghoul hissed, clearly annoyed. From both sides, Mutsuki could see Urie and Shirazu had let out their kagune and leap up for a collaborative attack. If he wasn't stuck in such a situation, Mutsuki would've been amused that Urie was working together with anyone at all.

The two of them were using their kagune, which means that they didn't have their Quinque with them either. While those two were better at using their kagune, this still puts them at a disadvantage.

"Stupid bugs..." the ghoul slammed a hand down on Mutsuki's face, knocking his head into the pavement and causing him to see black for a second. Then, the ghoul let out a round of spikes at both Quinxes.

"Urmmie! Shimmammuu!!" Mutsuki yelled as he tried to pry the ghoul's hand off his face. From what he could see, his two companions had been knocked back by the projectiles and fallen to the ground. He couldn't see how injured they were.

"Well, you're left!" the ghoul grinned down at Mutsuki as he pointed his kagune at him, "What a strange bunch you are! You may have kagune, but you still smell deliciously human--"

The ghoul stopped mid sentence and Mutsuki felt the pressure on his face lessen before he saw the ghoul's head flying off.

"Get off him," the voice was hard and cold and Mutsuki let out another yell as the rest of the ghoul's body collapsed on him. However, what he saw beyond the ghoul's corpse scared him more.

Haise stood in front of him with his kagune out and a deadly look in his eyes. Immediately, Mutsuki started shuffling backwards, "S-Stay back!" he stuttered out. He couldn't help staring at Haise's kakugan, which had moved to focus on him.

Haise's kagune retracted into his body and the kakugan disappeared, only to be replaced with a look of hurt on his face. Mutsuki covered his mouth with his hand as he realized what he just said to Haise, "S-Sorry, I didn't mean--"

"It's okay," Haise tried to smile, tried to laugh it off, "Because I look like a monster."

"N-No! Sasaki, you don't--"

"If you hate me, that's fine. I'm sure they can find a new, more capable mentor. I was just going to the headquarters to talk with them anyways."

"W-What?! New mentor?!" Shirazu, who had been knocked unconscious, was only waking up now and had only heard the last part. "Wait, what happened?! We're getting a new mentor?!" Shirazu stood up and started yelling at the top of his lungs, "No way in hell I'm going to accept that! I don't want anyone other than Sassan to be my mentor! If they do, I'm going to rebel and turn against the CCG."

"...Shirazu?" Haise looked at him with wide, surprised eyes. Rather than feeling flattered, Haise was starting to become concerned about what might happen to the Quinx if the CCG heard that...

"You're noisy. (Shut the fuck up, you idiot. Do you even know what you're saying?)" Urie sat up slowly, aching all over. Not all of his cuts had healed up yet and he was covered in blood. "You better not resign," he grumbled as he glared at Haise, "(I still need to take your position and if you resign now, then I won't get take it specifically from you.)"

Haise looked at both of them for a moment before speaking up, "You guys realize I'm a... I'm a--"

"No, you're not!" Mutsuki cried out and he could tell that his voice is shaky, that all of him is shaky, especially now that he'd crawled out from under that ghoul and covered in the corpse's blood, "You're Sasaki. You're our mentor. That's all you are."

"Mutsuki--" Haise took a step forward and Mutsuki instinctively shrank back.

"I... I... Um..." when they were all bloody like this, it was hard for Mutsuki to _not_ think about the way Haise fought earlier today. "It...It may not seem like it right now because, it's true, I'm... I'm very scared, but I don't want anyone other than you to be our mentor."

"So it's settled, right? (Can we please go home now?)" Urie stood up with a groan.

Haise looked at his three subordinates uncertainly before nodding, "Thanks," he laughed.

 

 

When they got back to the apartment, they saw that the kitchen light was still on. Walking inside, Saiko sat at the table. She was fidgeting with the edge of her pajama shorts as she waited for the four of them to return. The kitchen had been cleaned up and in front of her was a covered dish. It only took one whiff by everyone to guess what that was.

Seeing this, Urie quickly turned and ran up to the bathroom to take a shower and put bandages over whichever wounds hadn't healed. Once again, he didn't want to deal with this drama.

"Saiko, is that--" if Haise's nose was working correctly, that wasn't even raw...

"I'm sorry, Maman," Saiko mumbled, "I shouldn't have screamed like that."

Haise let out a nervous chuckle, "No, don't apologize. ...I scared you."

"No! I need to apologize! All this time, Maman had been in pain from keeping all his feelings in. ...I didn't realize it. None of us did. ...I'm sorry for that."

Haise stayed silent and so did the rest of them. Just as the silence was getting awkward, Haise spoke up, "Thank you. And, _I'm_ sorry. For having kept this a secret for so long."

Saiko gave Haise a smile as she pushed the dish over towards Haise, who pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. Mutsuki walked over and took a seat as well while Shirazu went to try and fix the door by laying what was remaining on top of the doorframe. ...It won't keep burglars out, but it'll at least keep some of the wind out. Then, he went over to join them at the table.

"You know, cooking without tasting is really hard to do," Saiko admitted, "I don't know how you did it."

"...I can't believe you cooked for me."

"It's easy when I imagine it to be like when I used to helped my parents make dinner," Saiko laughed nervously. Haise imagined it took a lot of nerve for her to actually be able to do that. He shouldn't let this go to waste.

Haise uncovered the plate and a delicious aroma floated through the air and into his nose. Amazing, his mouth was watering already. He could feel his kakugan threatening to show up, but he forced it away. There would be no helping it when he starts eating, but he wanted to keep himself as "human" as long as possible at the dinner table in front of his squad.

The three of them were all watching him intensely and Haise felt like crying. He almost didn't want to believe they had so much faith in him. He didn't deserve it after lying to them for so long. "Thank you," he mumbled, trying and failing to hide the sob that had built up in the back of his throat.

He picked up his fork and took his first bite.

He could feel the kakugan forming.

Mutsuki flinched and he was sure that the black veins around his left eye must've shown through his skin.

Saiko grimaced so the sclera must have turned black.

Shirazu looked away, that must mean his pupils have turned red.

Haise took a bite. It was delicious. It had a different taste than raw meat and it wasn't bad. He looked down at the plate, then back at his subordinates. All their smiles were forced. Haise frowned. He didn't want this. Even though they were being polite and accepting, it must still bother them. "You guys don't have to watch--"

"What the hell?" Urie walked back into the kitchen as he dried his hair with a towel, "I was wondering what all the fuss is about, but you look just like the rest of us."

Without meaning to, Urie broke the tension in the air. The three around the table looked at Haise sheepishly as they realized, yes, he looks just like them. While they might not have their kakugan activate while they eat, he simply looks like them back when they couldn't control their new powers yet.

Mutsuki cracked a smile and Saiko giggled. Shirazu laughed out loud as Urie made his way to the fridge to look for something to eat.

"Hey, there are still leftovers, right?" Saiko said excitedly as she joined Urie at the fridge and started pulling out shrink wrapped dishes.

"Yea, I'm hungry!" Shirazu agreed as he helped lay everything out on the table.

"We should all eat together," Mutsuki smiled at Haise, who still looked rather startled and confused, "We still haven't really done that since we became a team, right?"

"Well..."

"I'm going to sleep."

"No, you're not, Urie!" Shirazu proceeded to tackle Urie and drag him back into the kitchen.

"Oooh! Is this like that BL stuff I see online?!" Saiko exclaimed as Mutsuki paled at her words.

Watching them, Haise laughed. Nothing had changed. Human or half-ghoul, he was still Haise Sasaki and this was his childish squad.

"Itadakimasu!"

 

 

_Nothing had changed, right?_

In a checkered room, a man sat at a chair.

"Enjoy it while it lasts," his lips twisted into a grin as he hissed out the words, " _Haise._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for sticking out to the end with me on this fic ;v;  
> I'm sorry it took so long and I hope it was ultimately enjoyable for everyone.  
> Thank you for all of your kind words and continuous support!

**Author's Note:**

> [Link](http://tokyoghoulkink.dreamwidth.org/1787.html?thread=337403) to original thread.


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